Odd Chick Out

OK babes idk if this gonna be a rant or just blasting my thoughts out, either way here goes...


Odd Man Out: One who, because of STRANGENESS of behavior or belief, stands alone in or out from a group


OK first off the definition of this is what gets me, I don't think that I'm STRANGE but apparently that's the way I come off. it appears that I'm always the one who doesn't agree or go with the flow of everyone, that I'm always singled out. that I'm too "weird" that my actions don't follow the norm...

How do I feel about that????

Well initially i should be glad because conformity was never my thing, i pride myself on being "different" and having a very open and accepting mind I feel that's what makes me special.....

on the other hand....


when it comes to dealing with others there always seems to be a conflict...its like i cant be accepted for who i am and most importantly who I'm NOT. With "friends" the few that Ive had I'm usually the one looked at funny when it comes to suggesting things to do, and then I'm the bad guy when I choose not to follow the group, and with guys, the fact that I'm not slut,(because based on what Ive been told by guys I should be more out there based on how i look, bullshit yes I know but that's another post) so I'm looked at funny for just wanting to watch movies or have a nice meal instead of going to "functions".

i get it...I'm "weird" for a 20 year old "pretty" girl, i suppose i should be at the club every weekend and dating 6 guys at once and rolling with a group of equally pretty girls and tearing the malls up. but alas, id rather read a book watch family guy and make YouTube videos about my hair.

Or that

I like to garden
Still buy coloring books
Collect stuffed animals
Like to take hundreds of pictures of myself just to make sure I look ok
I look forward to buying school supplies
I get nervous in elevators
Im scared of midgets
I sleep on top of my covers
I prefer baths to showers
I have trouble saying words with S's
That I get sad when it rains
I can laugh for hours at something that happened months ago
I cry when I watch the Big Bird movie
If everyone chooses blue I'll pick red JUST BECAUSE I dont wanna be like everyone else

what do i want???

For one, Id LOVE to have people in my life who ACCEPT me and NOT JUDGE me for who IM NOT, and not try to run my life and tell me what I SHOULD be doing with my time

As far as a guy goes, my past relationships have basically been of convenience, never really having a healthy coexistence, either straight bullshit or biding my time because its just nice to have people around. Being that I'm so accepting and open minded I have let a lot of freaks in my life which is bad, people who have appeared normal to me but in time revealed their true self, to be so extreme as one guy who put his hands on me...

There is a guy i am EXTREMELY interested in at the moment but that situation in itself is messy, I think I may fucked up my chances with him because of my rash decisions, I really like him, he seems to GET me which is rare, and he appears, well APPEARED to really like me. I could go on and on, the fact that I was actually attracted to them which is rare as hell, and that they make me laugh and I felt amazing when I was with them after such a short time...and my weird ass went and fucked it up, I don't think their feelin me anymore,and that hurts I feel like I can kick my own ass for that. SMMFH


But what can I say Im Helana, the weirdo, the different one, the one who stands out from a crowd, who dances to a different drum, fuck the drum I dance to music i hear in my own dam head, I cant help it thats just me.


#DONTJUDGEME

Ex Boyfriend (a haiku)

I do despise thee

Thou who art so full of shit

All hail king of lies

(This photo was originally taken with me thinking of my boss @ bath n body works lol)

Trey Gets Freaky...oh my

Ok first off, IM MAD I WASNT HERE TO SEE THIS!!!! Omg!!! When i watched this my jaw was dropped like damnnnnnnn lol. Im only wishing they hadn't done that crowd shot I wanted to see his whole demonstration hehehehe #dontjudgeme. Im sorry but all they nay sayers MUST admit, Trey is coming into his own, Ive been down since I Gotta Make It, but alot of the bandwagon jumpers aren't giving him his props. People like to criticize that Trey just sytands there and sings and doesn't dance or anything, he may not have been dancing but damn it I'd pay to see him get down like that!! He's coming to LA Sepetember 11th and I will do everything in my freakin power to see that shit!!! OMG TREY

Breezy Songz

I saw this on worldstar, it was cute, now I know some people are gonna think this is shade being thrown but Chris clearly says its not a diss. Im pretty sure artists imitate each other all the time lol. It actually sounded kinda good lol. Like I said on twitter, give CB a break, I wasn't always the biggest fan but Im coming around.

SMILE ;-)

Good morning everyone, its 7:55 in the AM and I woke up with a positive outlook. I have decided to have a BS free today, I will be cutting out the following things

1.Negative thoughts

2.Bad Words

3.JUDGEMENT

4.Complaints

5.Hate

6.Tears

Basically anything that doesnt ensure me having a happy positive day. Theres enough people being Bitter Betty's, why should I contribute, no on is gonna steal my smile today.

In a world so ugly at times, why not be one less, do something different today, smile at a stranger, hold a door open for someone, erase that nasty facebook status or evil tweet, resist the urge to call the girl u dont like at ur job a bitch lol

I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday, if no one has told you today, I LOVE YOU, YOURE SPECIAL, YOU MATTER!!

Don't be so serious, you'll have a HEART ATTACK!

I heart this song, it was just right for this vid ;-), luv ya guys!!

Model Spotlight: Jasmine Sanders

Hey boos, k you know I SORTA had an interest in modeling, still debating if this is the summer I decide to jump head first into taking it seriously...but hey thats another blog post lol. Anyway, there are a number of certain models that I really like, this model I have seen but I just could never find out her name, turns out she is Jasmine Sanders, who recently gained more public notice for dating Chris Brown. When I saw her I was like hey thats her lol, but any way, Im gonna start showing some of the models I most admire the work of, I'll start with her. I really like the photos she takes, she has a classic beauty look which is hard to find these days with all the vixens and booty girls lol, I LOVE her hair, it makes me wanna go back blond, only for a moment though. She's 19 currently signed to Boss Models in New York, I wish her much more continued success, go girl!!

Heres a music video actually called Dear Jasmine that she starred in, werk girl!!

Wake Up Wake Up Wake Up its the First of the month

Hey babes, so I know haven't been doing any actual "blogging" lately, but Ive been really busy, and honestly have had much to really talk about, with so much going on. Well today is June first, and I have a few things in store this month that I will probably talk about. Well first off, Im ending off another semester of school, one more closer to my degree!! I am so eager for this break, Im gonna have a few weeks off before summer school so i plan on filming a few thing for you guys and posting alot more. I have had somethings that will carry over, I plan on doing some relationship topics, and touch on some domestic violence and abusive relations ship issue videos as well as eating disorders, depression and other issue alotta ladies face.

There's alot i want to do this summer, especially the beach, and visiting theme parks. I turn 21 this summer and although i may not be balling outta control i really want to enjoy my bday for once, not saying all my bdays have been terrible but i just want this one to be memorable, ya know you only have that BIG 21 once, so i at least want some fond memories to look back on.

So hold on babes, there's more to come from me, I promise i will try to spice my blog up, so i can have more than 13 followers lol.

Smooches