OK babes idk if this gonna be a rant or just blasting my thoughts out, either way here goes...
Odd Man Out: One who, because of STRANGENESS of behavior or belief, stands alone in or out from a group
OK first off the definition of this is what gets me, I don't think that I'm STRANGE but apparently that's the way I come off. it appears that I'm always the one who doesn't agree or go with the flow of everyone, that I'm always singled out. that I'm too "weird" that my actions don't follow the norm...
How do I feel about that????
Well initially i should be glad because conformity was never my thing, i pride myself on being "different" and having a very open and accepting mind I feel that's what makes me special.....
on the other hand....
when it comes to dealing with others there always seems to be a conflict...its like i cant be accepted for who i am and most importantly who I'm NOT. With "friends" the few that Ive had I'm usually the one looked at funny when it comes to suggesting things to do, and then I'm the bad guy when I choose not to follow the group, and with guys, the fact that I'm not slut,(because based on what Ive been told by guys I should be more out there based on how i look, bullshit yes I know but that's another post) so I'm looked at funny for just wanting to watch movies or have a nice meal instead of going to "functions".
i get it...I'm "weird" for a 20 year old "pretty" girl, i suppose i should be at the club every weekend and dating 6 guys at once and rolling with a group of equally pretty girls and tearing the malls up. but alas, id rather read a book watch family guy and make YouTube videos about my hair.
Or that
I like to garden
Still buy coloring books
Collect stuffed animals
Like to take hundreds of pictures of myself just to make sure I look ok
I look forward to buying school supplies
I get nervous in elevators
Im scared of midgets
I sleep on top of my covers
I prefer baths to showers
I have trouble saying words with S's
That I get sad when it rains
I can laugh for hours at something that happened months ago
I cry when I watch the Big Bird movie
If everyone chooses blue I'll pick red JUST BECAUSE I dont wanna be like everyone else
what do i want???
For one, Id LOVE to have people in my life who ACCEPT me and NOT JUDGE me for who IM NOT, and not try to run my life and tell me what I SHOULD be doing with my time
As far as a guy goes, my past relationships have basically been of convenience, never really having a healthy coexistence, either straight bullshit or biding my time because its just nice to have people around. Being that I'm so accepting and open minded I have let a lot of freaks in my life which is bad, people who have appeared normal to me but in time revealed their true self, to be so extreme as one guy who put his hands on me...
There is a guy i am EXTREMELY interested in at the moment but that situation in itself is messy, I think I may fucked up my chances with him because of my rash decisions, I really like him, he seems to GET me which is rare, and he appears, well APPEARED to really like me. I could go on and on, the fact that I was actually attracted to them which is rare as hell, and that they make me laugh and I felt amazing when I was with them after such a short time...and my weird ass went and fucked it up, I don't think their feelin me anymore,and that hurts I feel like I can kick my own ass for that. SMMFH
But what can I say Im Helana, the weirdo, the different one, the one who stands out from a crowd, who dances to a different drum, fuck the drum I dance to music i hear in my own dam head, I cant help it thats just me.
#DONTJUDGEME
. OMG. I totally agree with you Helena. I'm currently going through the same issues with my friends and boys right now. With my friends, now that we've graduated high school, they've been partying all the time and drinking. I'm not a drinker. The only alcohol I've drunken was champagne on New Years like 3 years ago. lol. I'm not down for the wildin' out and the foolishness. I have things in my life that keep my happy and I don't need to hang with people who don't feel that those things that make me happy are ' no fun' to them. Cops ALWAYS show up to those parties and none of them are 21 and over. With the boy part, most guys I've been coming across are only willing to smash and leave. Unfortunately for them, I'm saving myself 'til marriage. So I've never had a guy to commit to being my boyfriend. I've many of them tell me 'oh why you single shawty blah blah blah' and it's that kinda stuff that makes me SO mad and feel like...wow, there's no guy willing to commit to me and stick around to remain in a sex free relationship. I know it's odd with today's teens for me to be holding on to my ideals and morals but i like to stay true to myself and not get lost in the motion. it's gone so far to me saying screw everyone and i'm moving to st. thomas, usvi this fall for college. lol. i hate being surrounded by people who don't understand me. so i wanted to try a new location to see that's it's not me but rather the people here. thanks for posting! damn i thouhgt i was alone and sorry that this was so long :(.
ReplyDeleteYea sweetie I feel u, its hard to be an individual while everyone is dying to "fit in" I commend you for sticking to ur guns and doing you. Big applause for not letting these lil knuckle head boys get ur goodies ;-)
ReplyDeleteGood luck and congrats on going to university, I can only imagine how beautiful it is there.
You'll be ok just keep going on the path ur on and the right ppl who are supposed to be there will come into your life when the time is right
-Helana <3