Odd Chick Out

OK babes idk if this gonna be a rant or just blasting my thoughts out, either way here goes...


Odd Man Out: One who, because of STRANGENESS of behavior or belief, stands alone in or out from a group


OK first off the definition of this is what gets me, I don't think that I'm STRANGE but apparently that's the way I come off. it appears that I'm always the one who doesn't agree or go with the flow of everyone, that I'm always singled out. that I'm too "weird" that my actions don't follow the norm...

How do I feel about that????

Well initially i should be glad because conformity was never my thing, i pride myself on being "different" and having a very open and accepting mind I feel that's what makes me special.....

on the other hand....


when it comes to dealing with others there always seems to be a conflict...its like i cant be accepted for who i am and most importantly who I'm NOT. With "friends" the few that Ive had I'm usually the one looked at funny when it comes to suggesting things to do, and then I'm the bad guy when I choose not to follow the group, and with guys, the fact that I'm not slut,(because based on what Ive been told by guys I should be more out there based on how i look, bullshit yes I know but that's another post) so I'm looked at funny for just wanting to watch movies or have a nice meal instead of going to "functions".

i get it...I'm "weird" for a 20 year old "pretty" girl, i suppose i should be at the club every weekend and dating 6 guys at once and rolling with a group of equally pretty girls and tearing the malls up. but alas, id rather read a book watch family guy and make YouTube videos about my hair.

Or that

I like to garden
Still buy coloring books
Collect stuffed animals
Like to take hundreds of pictures of myself just to make sure I look ok
I look forward to buying school supplies
I get nervous in elevators
Im scared of midgets
I sleep on top of my covers
I prefer baths to showers
I have trouble saying words with S's
That I get sad when it rains
I can laugh for hours at something that happened months ago
I cry when I watch the Big Bird movie
If everyone chooses blue I'll pick red JUST BECAUSE I dont wanna be like everyone else

what do i want???

For one, Id LOVE to have people in my life who ACCEPT me and NOT JUDGE me for who IM NOT, and not try to run my life and tell me what I SHOULD be doing with my time

As far as a guy goes, my past relationships have basically been of convenience, never really having a healthy coexistence, either straight bullshit or biding my time because its just nice to have people around. Being that I'm so accepting and open minded I have let a lot of freaks in my life which is bad, people who have appeared normal to me but in time revealed their true self, to be so extreme as one guy who put his hands on me...

There is a guy i am EXTREMELY interested in at the moment but that situation in itself is messy, I think I may fucked up my chances with him because of my rash decisions, I really like him, he seems to GET me which is rare, and he appears, well APPEARED to really like me. I could go on and on, the fact that I was actually attracted to them which is rare as hell, and that they make me laugh and I felt amazing when I was with them after such a short time...and my weird ass went and fucked it up, I don't think their feelin me anymore,and that hurts I feel like I can kick my own ass for that. SMMFH


But what can I say Im Helana, the weirdo, the different one, the one who stands out from a crowd, who dances to a different drum, fuck the drum I dance to music i hear in my own dam head, I cant help it thats just me.


#DONTJUDGEME

Ex Boyfriend (a haiku)

I do despise thee

Thou who art so full of shit

All hail king of lies

(This photo was originally taken with me thinking of my boss @ bath n body works lol)

Trey Gets Freaky...oh my

Ok first off, IM MAD I WASNT HERE TO SEE THIS!!!! Omg!!! When i watched this my jaw was dropped like damnnnnnnn lol. Im only wishing they hadn't done that crowd shot I wanted to see his whole demonstration hehehehe #dontjudgeme. Im sorry but all they nay sayers MUST admit, Trey is coming into his own, Ive been down since I Gotta Make It, but alot of the bandwagon jumpers aren't giving him his props. People like to criticize that Trey just sytands there and sings and doesn't dance or anything, he may not have been dancing but damn it I'd pay to see him get down like that!! He's coming to LA Sepetember 11th and I will do everything in my freakin power to see that shit!!! OMG TREY

Breezy Songz

I saw this on worldstar, it was cute, now I know some people are gonna think this is shade being thrown but Chris clearly says its not a diss. Im pretty sure artists imitate each other all the time lol. It actually sounded kinda good lol. Like I said on twitter, give CB a break, I wasn't always the biggest fan but Im coming around.

SMILE ;-)

Good morning everyone, its 7:55 in the AM and I woke up with a positive outlook. I have decided to have a BS free today, I will be cutting out the following things

1.Negative thoughts

2.Bad Words

3.JUDGEMENT

4.Complaints

5.Hate

6.Tears

Basically anything that doesnt ensure me having a happy positive day. Theres enough people being Bitter Betty's, why should I contribute, no on is gonna steal my smile today.

In a world so ugly at times, why not be one less, do something different today, smile at a stranger, hold a door open for someone, erase that nasty facebook status or evil tweet, resist the urge to call the girl u dont like at ur job a bitch lol

I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday, if no one has told you today, I LOVE YOU, YOURE SPECIAL, YOU MATTER!!

Don't be so serious, you'll have a HEART ATTACK!

I heart this song, it was just right for this vid ;-), luv ya guys!!

Model Spotlight: Jasmine Sanders

Hey boos, k you know I SORTA had an interest in modeling, still debating if this is the summer I decide to jump head first into taking it seriously...but hey thats another blog post lol. Anyway, there are a number of certain models that I really like, this model I have seen but I just could never find out her name, turns out she is Jasmine Sanders, who recently gained more public notice for dating Chris Brown. When I saw her I was like hey thats her lol, but any way, Im gonna start showing some of the models I most admire the work of, I'll start with her. I really like the photos she takes, she has a classic beauty look which is hard to find these days with all the vixens and booty girls lol, I LOVE her hair, it makes me wanna go back blond, only for a moment though. She's 19 currently signed to Boss Models in New York, I wish her much more continued success, go girl!!

Heres a music video actually called Dear Jasmine that she starred in, werk girl!!

Wake Up Wake Up Wake Up its the First of the month

Hey babes, so I know haven't been doing any actual "blogging" lately, but Ive been really busy, and honestly have had much to really talk about, with so much going on. Well today is June first, and I have a few things in store this month that I will probably talk about. Well first off, Im ending off another semester of school, one more closer to my degree!! I am so eager for this break, Im gonna have a few weeks off before summer school so i plan on filming a few thing for you guys and posting alot more. I have had somethings that will carry over, I plan on doing some relationship topics, and touch on some domestic violence and abusive relations ship issue videos as well as eating disorders, depression and other issue alotta ladies face.

There's alot i want to do this summer, especially the beach, and visiting theme parks. I turn 21 this summer and although i may not be balling outta control i really want to enjoy my bday for once, not saying all my bdays have been terrible but i just want this one to be memorable, ya know you only have that BIG 21 once, so i at least want some fond memories to look back on.

So hold on babes, there's more to come from me, I promise i will try to spice my blog up, so i can have more than 13 followers lol.

Smooches

Beyonce- Me Myself & I (Alternate Version)

Here's another one! This is another version of Beyonce's Me Myself & I video, from 2004. I remember when I saw the access granted for this video, and they were filming these scenes. I think this version was bit more fun, and empowering, when shes solo singing in the mirror, like yea Im single but Im good. She was gorgeous, this makes me wanna say eff it and get a long blond lace wig lol jk, but I really like the short bob at the end... maybe I'll try it. Still my song after all this time, my fav Bey album.

OMG TREYYYYY!

OMG so I literally just finished watching Trey Songz video for Yo Side Of The Bed!!! And all I can say is OMG WOOOOOW. There had been a lot of hype about it but I thought it would have been a dud because I also saw Sex Room this morning and that was a #FAIL lol, but this video omg!!! It was so good, story wise and Trey sexy ass did his thing!!! He should really start getting offered movie roles, that was touching as hell. It wasn't corny or over the top, but it captured everything PERFECTLY and Im not just saying that because I Heart Trey. Miss Keri Baby did her do as well, kudos girl! They were such a cute couple. I have to put this as one of my fav Trey videos.

Check it out and please tell me what you guys think

Blue Martian Mixtape

Yall know Weezy is in jail, this mixtape was released a couple weeks ago, and I really like it. I think that most artists who have mixtapes music is way better than their actual studio released alubums, the best example is Trey Songz. Anyway this mixtape features most of Young Money as well as others. Some classic Weezy nastiness hehehe, as well as some hot lines. I love Shanell's voice, she can blow, I hope she has an album when Wayne gets out. I downloaded this from datpiff.com they have free mixtapes, thats where I get all my underground Trey from.

This was the only video i could find of a song from the mixtape, this is Drake's Find Your Love, Im so diggin this song and the video is hot, the girl featured is Maliah his alleged gf, and female that has all the Drake heads mad. Lol stop hating on that girl she got her man, shes prettyful.

Beyonce- Halo (ORIGINAL Version)

WOW! Ok so Beyonce is my #1 fav female artist, BUT like alot of other people I felt that the videos for I Am...Sasha Fierce were less that what Beyonce usually brings. I thought they all were sorta boring especially the 3 girl format. I suppose this was the original version, I LOVED it, it was way more raw and exciting that the one played on TV. This is probably why it wasn't used, perhaps it was too graphic for TV, I think the storyline was better and Bey looked beautiful. I hope her upcoming album has more vids like this, "Why Don't You Love Me" was cute.

I REALLY want to see this movie! Speed Dating

SO I was on WSHH as usual and saw this trailer and LOVED it! I really like the plot and the cast, so many of my faves. I was also very happy to see that this will actually be in THEATERS, you know usually a movie is straight to video. I will most def be @ the movies this summer on opening night. Anyone in LA wanna join me, we can go as a group lol.





What do you guys think?

Car Accident

Saturday night Erica and I were rear ended after going to a Burger King drive thru. The other driver drove off it was a hit and run. We were going to have another club night at the club where her hubby works in Long Beach, so we parked in the lot and called the cops, THEY NEVER SHOWED.

Meanwhile after the shock wore off Erica started having a bad headache and my arms were hurting. Her hubby ran over from his job and took us to the hospital, by the time we got the hospital, Erica could hardly walk. We went to check in and the receptionist was running her mouth laughing with the patient ahead of us, WTF right? SO we finally were given patient bracelets and told to wait. Mind you, were in club wear, lil tops and colorful eye make up and hair, the works, so the other people in the waiting room were looking at us pretty crazy, maybe they thought we were strippers or escorts of something.

They put Erica in a neck brace and wheeled her off and called me in shortly after. When the doctor came to my room I had the butt-out gown, she asked what happened and she was outraged that the other driver kept going. She checked me out and went thru my whole body, my right elbow, left shoulder, knee and back were killing me so they ordered x-rays. They asked if I wanted a pain shot and I almost yelled out HELL YEA, so a nurse came started an IV line and injected some muscle relaxer, next thing I knew ZZZZzzzzzz I was out. Erica's hubby is such a nice guy he kept checking on both of us the whole time.

Some male nurse came and took me to get X-rays, he had salami breath eww, and he had me in awkward positions that hurt but hey had to do it to get them done. By the time it was all done, Erica and her hubby came to my room since she was done first, her neck was really sore and she had a bad headache still. The doctor gave me a prescription and put my arm in a sling and sent us home. My elbow, shoulder and knee were sprained and my back was on fire.

We rested up the next day and ended up going back to Long Beach to the police department to file a report. We waited almost 2 hours, in the mean time 2 gay guys came in, one had been beaten up, he was 17 and and the guy who beat him up was 28 he said he met him off MySpace (be careful who you meet online!!!).

when the officers came out to take our report, they were like "Whoa are your injuries from the accident" we must've looked pretty beat up. We had on basically pajamas, you know comfortable lounging clothes and our bandages. We gave them all of out info, and the description of the car and drier, LUCKILY we had the plate number!!! I hope they catch her!!!!

So for now I'm just resting, hopefully I'm able to go to school, I cant drive because of my arm, but I'll make it work. I'm grateful because it could have been worse, her kids could've been in the car or we could have been critically hurt. Be safe out there guys!

Here's me in the emergency room, on a lighter note, I tired out my 120 pallet and did a yellow and lime green eye. Too bad I didn't get to show it off.

Ok, Its time for me to step my game up!!!

Ok, this is a transsexual. Why do I feel less cute looking at her? That's a shame! I need to step it up, she is FIERCE!!!! BUT....I cant be out shined by a boy in a dress, no shade, I'm just sayin lol, o yea LOVE that hair!!!

The Wonders Of Photo Shop

Now is it wrong for me to say that when I first saw this, I didn't recognize the second photo? LOL It looked like a totally different person, I thought they got a better looking girl to recreate the shot LOL. Natalie wasn't "ugly" before but I think the photo shop softened her features. She looks way better, like a nicer person lol. This does tell alot about the photos of models you see in magazines and websites, most of those big booty girls have big bellies to go with them lol. Hey do whatever you need to get by, maybe on my next shoot I'll have the photographer shop in some boobs for me. Fake it till I make it, maybe I'll "Run LA" after that lol.

Fanatic: Trey Songz Edition

Now you all know I love some Trey "Trigga" Songz but, when does being fan of someone turn into obsession? This is what I call a hot mess. In in a few years (or months) when she jumps on the next person's band wagon she's gonna feel rather silly dont you think? Also, unless she gets with a guy with the same name, there's gonna be relationship drama, hmm I'm sure its a real conversation starter. LOL who am I to judge, she loves Trey...YUUUP hahaha.

One Year On Youtube

Ok I had to go BIG with the vid for this post, but yea its official, I have been making youtube vids for a whole year. Ive come a long way from my nervous attempt at doing a make up review, and making a video about the now infamous gro aut oil. I will say for the most part I have enjoyed it, being able to express myself and give my opinion on things and actually have an audience who agrees and uses what I say in their lives. Although there had been some mess here and there, I would say its worth it because I have met some of the sweetest people ever, and been able to talk to other video makers. So here's to a year, hopefully I'll keep making them as long as youtube is up lol.




<3

I HAD to post this

Ok I know I talk about kids being too fast these days but, Im sorry these lil mamas were gettin it!! Im not even mad @ them. GO GIRRRRLS!

Texturizing My Little Brother's Hair

You can see the 2nd and 3rd parts on my channel (link @ top of page) Http://youtube.com/KatwalkKutie

I started texturizing my brother's hair in March for his 12th birthday, its grown out some so its time for a touch up. I use a comb thru simple brand. he likes the results, hes growing up and is concerned about looking good "for the ladies" as he puts it hahaHeres before, his edges were revereted and grown out

AFter, looking longer becuase the texture is relaxed and the edges are smoother.

Heres Forrestt getting his lil grown man on for the ladies lol, give him a few years he'll be breaking hearts, naw my lil peanut is a gentleman. ;-)

So Trey's Been A Cutie FOREVER

Ok so I came across these pix, yall know how I feel about Trey Songz. These are throw back pix of him when he was younger and OH EM GEEZ, this nukka has been a cutie pie since he was in diapers lol. Even his lil baby dreads (and I don't do dreads). So this is how our baby would look? Hahaha lol jkOMG he had THOSE eyebrows back then, I can see myself sending him an "I Like you, do you like me" note in elementary school.I remember those sweaters lol 2002, but whoa baby dreads, somehow he makes it work, look at those lips!He def coulda been my prom date So basically he just always had it goin on